INFORMATION
GENERAL INFORMATION
In this section, you will find all the information shared in the THE SORORITY application.
Happy reading to you.
We are together.
HOW TO USE THE APP:
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HOW IT WORKS
1st MENU/Profile:
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I define my skills and areas of expertise to help the community by sharing my knowledge, experiences, advice, and expertise.
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I specify my current needs and aspirations to seek help, advice, and support for my projects and actions.
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I provide my contact information to be reached or rescued in case of danger as a victim or witness. This allows us to act together promptly, before it's too late.
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I can create a profile as an individual, professional, entity, or association.
2nd MENU/Settings and Privacy:
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I enable geolocation to locate and be located by other users (for alerts, searches, etc.).
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I set the geolocation radius, starting with a wider radius to accommodate new users, and gradually narrowing it for more precise and effective alerts or searches.
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I enable notifications to stay informed about incidents nearby and provide assistance promptly.
3rd Geolocation:
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I see users around me who are ready to help if I need assistance; I'm not alone.
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I see users who have triggered an alert and have all the tools to communicate with them, request help, and take immediate action.
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I can contact nearby users at any time to ask for help, offer help, request information, seek advice, or accompany them safely home.
4th Alert:
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If I'm a victim or witness of an ongoing assault, I activate the ALERT (press for two seconds) to request help from users within my defined alert radius (as set in settings).
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If I have no network connection, I use the AUDIBLE ALERT to draw attention to myself and the ongoing assault.
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If I want to discreetly ask for help, I activate the SCREEN MESSAGE.
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I always contact the appropriate authorities through the AUTHORITIES CALL to keep them informed.
5th Notifications:
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I find the latest alerts triggered around me (in case I missed a notification).
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I can contact a user to offer assistance or make sure they're no longer in danger.
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At any time, I can receive a notification of an ongoing assault (make sure it's enabled in settings), and I can:
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Contact the person.
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Attempt to get more information through a call or chat, reassure them, and keep them informed of the ongoing intervention.
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Request assistance from nearby individuals (women, men, non-binary persons) by approaching the person.
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Keep authorities informed.
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Pretend to know the person.
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Activate the AUDIBLE ALERT to draw attention to the assailant and stop the assault.
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In any case, I act as safely as possible, NEVER putting myself in danger. I request assistance from WOMEN, MEN, AND NON-BINARY PERSONS around me and ALWAYS inform the appropriate authorities.
6th Search:
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I can search for users around me who can help with specific needs and questions, and I can engage in respectful discussions whenever I need guidance for my thoughts, projects, and actions.
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The filter function allows me to refine my search.
7th Chats:
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I can review all my exchanges and resume a conversation at any time.
8th MENU/Help Center and Continuous Improvement:
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By filling out the online form, I report any encountered bugs during the beta testing phase to make the application as user-friendly, stable, and effective as possible for everyone.
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I contribute to the continuous improvement of the application by sharing my thoughts, ideas, questions, service proposals, needs, and more.
9th MENU/Unsubscribe:
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I can unsubscribe at any time by filling out the designated form (MENU, settings, and privacy).
10th Newsfeed:
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This feature provides recommendations, advice, and information tailored to my current needs and interests.
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MY SETTINGS
1st: What is the purpose of my alert radius?
We have updated the application so that wherever you are, even in a sparsely populated area far from civilization, you will always have a minimum of 50 people who will receive your alert, with no distance limit.
Therefore, your alert radius no longer affects the use of the alert function. We left it there to give you an approximate idea that X number of people are around you within a radius of X kilometers.
You can modify it in your settings and see the number of people within this radius on the alert screen.
Regardless of the selected radius, the first 50 people around you, wherever you are, will receive a notification that you are in danger and need help.
2nd: I enable geolocation and notifications.
We have become accustomed to being wary of applications and disabling these functions for efficiency and less tracking, which are good habits. However, THE SORORITY operates based on the proper activation of these functions.
Without geolocation:
Your position is no longer calculated in relation to other users. Therefore, the alert function cannot work to send or receive alerts. If another user is in danger in the street and you are nearby, they won't be able to see you to join you quickly. Similarly, you won't see any other user on your map if you are in danger yourself.
Without notifications:
You won't receive any alerts if another user triggers one around you. You won't receive any messages or contacts if you are in danger yourself.
Let's remind ourselves that the values and foundation of this community are kindness, mutual aid, protection, and sharing among all its members. It's about trust among everyone.
To act. Together.
3rd: I provide my phone number if possible.
To be contacted quickly when you trigger an alert. Or to be able to contact another user nearby to join them quickly (e.g., if you are being followed in the street).
But also as a witness or someone receiving the alert: it will reassure you to be able to contact the person in danger directly to act quickly and do your best to help them promptly.
Note:
Some individuals are in situations where they cannot answer (especially in cases of domestic violence). Respect the fact that they may not pick up. Communicate with them through the chat to gather as much information as possible, and contact the authorities for them only if they request it. Respect their choices and do not put them in further danger. Be supportive and attentive to their needs.
If they tell you everything is OK, don't hesitate to check in with them a few days later. To inquire about their well-being.
4th: Update your app and your phone's operating system.
Many bugs are caused by the fact that your phone or your app is not up to date.
Remember to perform these updates regularly for the proper functioning of all your applications in general.
5th: Receive all my push notifications on Android.
A possible bug for Android users is not receiving push notifications. This is a recurring issue for all apps.
We hope that Android will eventually resolve it definitively, but until then, here's what you can do (it works for all your apps):
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In your settings, select the app and disable battery optimization. You will then receive all your alerts again.
The path to access this may vary depending on the phone model, so look it up online for your specific model (feel free to message us privately if you need assistance).
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KNOW WHAT TO DO
You are a victim of an ongoing assault:
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Make sure to regularly update your application and phone. And ensure that your GPS and notifications are activated in the application: its operation relies on real-time calculations of people around you. In a dangerous situation: wherever you are, the alert will always be sent to the first 50 people around you. Without geographical limitations.
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Activate the ALERT by pressing and holding the dedicated logo on the ALERT screen (access button at the bottom right).
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Respond to CHAT and calls (be sure to provide your phone number for quick contact) if possible, communicating as much information as possible (immediate danger, precise location (visible on the MAP), address, access code, floor, apartment number, number of people present at the location, etc.
Note:
What we are doing can be stressful. This is normal. We have never been accustomed to (re)acting. That's why monthly training sessions are organized (follow our posts).
When you are about to trigger the alarm: Think about those who are writing to you and are frustrated/anxious not to have your immediate response, while they are ready to act for you. We repeat: for optimal effectiveness and a reduction in this stress, for everyone:
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Provide your phone number if possible (for a quick call that can deter during an assault).
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Respond to the first people who contact you to find help and an immediate safety solution. Once safe, take the time to reply to all the people who have contacted you and to whom you may not have had time to respond on the spot. To reassure them, keep them informed, and thank them for being there.
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Contact the authorities if you can and wish to via the EMERGENCY NUMBERS on the ALERT screen (or ask a user to do it for you via CHAT):
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17 (police: in case of immediate danger),
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3117 (RATP / SNCF security),
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119 (child in danger),
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114 (SMS alert number),
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3919 (women victims of domestic violence), etc.
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Look at the MAP and try to get closer to a nearby user. Try to contact them directly (call if their number is provided). Keep moving. Stay busy. Contact the authorities if you can and wish to via the EMERGENCY NUMBERS on the ALERT screen (or ask a user to do it for you via CHAT).
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Stare at someone who sees you. Ask them directly for help (read our posts in the application titled "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE MOVE?" and "WHAT TO DO?") Do not hesitate to call attention to yourself: An aggressor does not want to be in the spotlight (read "HOW TO REACT?" and "WHAT TO DO?"). Adopt a behavior that they do not expect. (read "WHY THIS STRESS?" in the application, about the bystander effect).
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You are a witness to an ongoing assault, you have received an alert notification or a request for help message.
The idea is to act. On the spot. Before it's too late. For everyone. Without ever putting yourself in danger. As soon as possible. We are becoming more numerous on this application. Together and united, little by little, by training, we will get there. We are no longer alone.
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You receive an alert message: Geolocate the person on the MAP and try to contact them through CHAT to gather as much information as possible (call possible if they have provided their number and are able to respond). Get to the essentials as quickly as possible: immediate danger, address, access code, floor, apartment number, number of people present at the location, etc.
If she does not respond to you: do not panic. She may have received too many messages. Or is unable to respond immediately. It is also possible that it is a false alert. To check: Go to the MAP and see if the person's pin is still red or if it has returned to its normal color. If it is still red: Contact the users around the person to see if they have managed to contact her and have any news. Organize yourself: Communicate with the users around the person in danger to locate yourself if you can. Ask for help on your way and head towards the alerted user. Never go alone. Never put yourself in danger. The aggressor does not expect you to arrive. The simple fact of being disturbed can put an end to the assault. Pretend to know the person, you have their geographical position, first name, and profile picture, if they have provided it, to identify them as quickly as possible.
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If you are witnessing domestic violence at home (neighbors): Ask for help from your neighbors and knock on the door of your neighbor in danger. Try to get in touch: this will destabilize their aggressor, either indirectly (asking for information, help, etc.) or directly (you have contacted the authorities and are keeping them informed). Stay attentive to all sounds and events, regularly ask for updates through CHAT or in person with your neighbor. Get help from other caring neighbors.
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Contact 3919 to receive support and guidance. NEVER PUT YOURSELF IN DANGER. The goal is to stop the assault. As quickly as possible. Before the facts are committed. Before it's too late.
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SAFE PLACES TO TAKE REFUGE
We are proud and happy to move forward alongside committed associations.
The workload is vast.
The hours aren't counted.
But the desire to help, to improve, to make a change is even stronger.
We work with the association @unabriquisauvedesvies (on Instagram), specialized in establishing a compassionate network of shelters aimed at ensuring the protection of victims of domestic and intra-family violence.
By listening to their needs, we conceptualized and developed a new feature on the app allowing for a quick search, everywhere in France - and worldwide - for people willing to welcome or provide their home in times of need.
We invite you to discover this feature on the app: all people offering a safe place to escape (to be specified in your profile) now have pink hair on the map.
You can now help a friend, family member, or acquaintance find a quick and safe place to escape if needed, even if they aren't users of the app.
• As a reminder, the primary function to find a safe place nearby:
Search > I need help > Safe place
THE SORORITY is growing steadily.
In everyone's hands, it becomes a powerful daily tool for compassionate mutual assistance.
A true living community.
Online. Ready to act in real life.
For the well-being and safety of all.
It is our tool. For everyone.
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VIOLENCE
Domestic Violence: In 2023, we put an end to it.
Together.
By all of us taking action.
At our level.
To stand by: That's to contribute.
We all have the right to act.
THE SORORITY allows us to unite. And to engage.
The rest is in our hands.
—> DISCOVER OUR FEATURE NOW AVAILABLE TO ACHIEVE THIS:
1/ Download the latest version of the app (THE SORORITY) from your STORE.
2/ Update your PROFILE: I offer/I am looking for help/support/listening related to DV and/or a safe place to flee.
3| Go to the SEARCH: I actively seek or offer my help and/or a safe place to flee: I become an actor and decide to do my best to contribute and make a change.
4/ If you're thinking: I don't feel legitimate or ready to offer my help on DV or don't have a safe place to host:
I talk about this tool as much as I can so that the information eventually reaches the right people: those who can help and those waiting for this help. Whenever I can. I do my best. I am active.
—> An effective course of action:
Contact personalities and accounts that are followed and committed on social networks.
Share this document. Talk about it in your own words, with your beliefs, with your heart.
Use your networks to act significantly and positively.
5/ To act outside of networks: I can download posters from the website www.jointhesorority.com and offer them in my shops, my town hall, my school, at my office, in my building, in my neighborhood.
The more of us there are to mobilize, to talk about it, and to act, the more people will be able to connect and offer their help/get out of these situations.
Silence and inaction kill us.
Taking action will save us. All of us.
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SPREAD THE WORD
Discover on the front page of our website www.jointhesorority.com the downloadable THE SORORITY posters (standard or printer format). You can print, share, distribute, and display them as you wish - always ensuring you have permission from the person in charge of the location - in your local shops, with your doctors/caregivers, in pharmacies, at your offices, restaurants, schools, town halls, associations, institutions, and anywhere you believe we can help the most people.
Usage is simplified: the individual only needs to place their phone's camera in front of the QR code. This will immediately provide them access to the app on their store (Android and iOS).
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FAQs
ACT IN THE BEST WAY IN CASE OF ALERT, AGGRESSION, OR THREAT:
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WHY THIS STRESS
WHAT IS THE SIDERATION EFFECT?
Why don't we defend ourselves in case of an attack?
Because an unconscious defense or survival mechanism has been triggered within us. It's present in all of us.
This is called the Sideration Effect or State, a direct consequence of the Shock Strategy, used by the aggressor.
—> How does it work?
We then talk about psychological trauma: "A psychological trauma is an event that, due to its violence and suddenness, leads to an influx of excitement sufficient to defeat the usually effective defense mechanisms. (...) It acts like a stoppage of time that freezes the person in a traumatic psychological injury, to the point that emotions seem practically absent. (...)
Sideration is a total blockage that protects from pain by distancing oneself from it.
Sideration originates from a state of intense stress which can last several hours, and will manifest itself through this anxious state of sideration. Verbalization is difficult. We observe a behavior of withdrawal with sometimes tears, anguish, tremors, or even vomiting. An omnipresent guilt, with a feeling of defilement, and a feeling of shame."
Source: CVP AGAINST PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE www.cvpagainstpsychologicalviolence.com -Anne-Laure BUFFET-
The effects felt by this state are multiple, we all know them:
-"Acceleration of the heart rate (fear discomfort, apprehension, shame, powerlessness, frustration, etc.);
-Blushing (in some: adding discomfort to discomfort); temporary blocking of all expression (sideration effect);
-Stammering, mumbling, momentary confusion; attack response for the most emotional reactives.
The Sideration Effect is a state sought by the attacker: it freezes the targeted person for a few seconds, which gives them free rein during this time: to impose an idea, a position, an action, a contact or a choice not desired by the targeted person.
We talk about the annihilation of the normal functioning of the brain subjected to one or several violent shocks."
Source: The Art of Repartee - Séverine DENIS
—> If you wish to delve deeper into the subject more generally, in order to better understand the power of sideration as an instrument of manipulation (whether the shock is of natural or artificial origin), to grasp, understand, and bypass it: we recommend reading "The Shock Doctrine" by Naomi Klein.
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HOW TO REACT ?
IN CASE OF ASSAULT: SHINE A LIGHT ON THE ASSAILANT
Paradoxically: Assailants, capable of carrying out violent, destructive, targeted, precise acts, whether stemming from a finely crafted strategy or not, are completely overwhelmed by the idea of being the center of attention.
Even worse, if they are met with lingering stares precisely at the moment they're committing the act, during the actual assault.
One way to escape an assault and act in the moment, before things escalate, would be to provoke a strong reaction the assailant isn't expecting. This would destabilize them and place them in a situation of discomfort, taking away any desire to continue, and ideally prompting their retreat.
There are various methods to achieve this (refer to the excellent guide titled: “NO means NO - A Little Handbook of Self-Defense for all women who are fed up with being harassed without speaking out” by Irene Zeilinger #nomeansno).
Here is a list of reactions that we've taken note of and tested as much as possible in real situations:
—>In case of assault:
1/ Keep in mind that assailants are human first: their past may be riddled with violence and insecurities (rejections, humiliations, abuses, etc.). They often lack self-confidence, are stressed, and sometimes paradoxically shy, and don’t want to draw attention at the time of the assault.
2| The element of surprise/stupor (see previous posts) works just as effectively on the victim during the assault as it does on the assailant. When faced with an “abnormal” reaction from the victim (unexpected behavior from the victim: inconsistency in their speech and actions during an assault situation, hysterical reactions, awkwardness causing general confusion), it will force the assailant to think and ultimately flee due to an unforeseen situation/pressure/reflection.
3/ The bystander effect should be immediately eradicated by asking for help in a targeted, clear, direct, and persistent manner to a select few witnesses.
The social pressure, the persistent stares cast upon them will force them to act, to seek assistance, to intervene, without ever putting themselves in danger: the rest of the onlookers will follow suit.
We are all human. What disadvantages us without control can also save us if we're prepared to face it.
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HOW TO ACT ?
Ever had that eerie feeling of being watched? Followed? You felt like "it was meant for you", and yes... there is someone there. A glance, a second glance, and now this person is behind you. You don't know why. You had a suspicion... but the more you go on, the more it becomes clear... what do they want from me? What should you do? Speed up? Call someone?
Better: do something unexpected.
Check out our post titled "WHAT IS THE STUPEFACTION EFFECT?" and subtly take control of the situation.
—>How?
By breaking what is transpiring, creating an unexpected scenario in the person's mind.
—>The outcome:
They'll need to process what's happening, and this delay will prevent whatever might have occurred. You'll continue on your way, peacefully.
—>But how exactly?:
—>If you're on the move:
Stop abruptly. Pretend to check something on your phone, or look for something in your pockets. Simply engage in an activity abruptly to halt your movement and let/force the person to move past you. As soon as they come into your line of sight: everything will be defused. Follow them at your own pace as if nothing happened.
—>If you're stationary:
Don't run away. Stand tall. Look directly into their eyes if they're gazing at you. Emotionlessly. Act as if you have something else on your mind. You're looking right at them, but in a detached manner. They expect you to be intimidated. Don't be. You're here, and nothing is going to happen.
Nobody wants to confront someone confident. The more you run, the tighter the grip becomes, and you'll attract this type of malevolent character.
Every situation has a solution. Most importantly, always take the upper hand without putting yourself in danger.
Observe, look around you, ask yourself: What would be completely improbable and unexpected right here, right now?
And go for it: this disorientation will be your aid. It'll be your "move" ahead.
Your move!
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WHY IS NO ONE DOING ANYTHING ?
THE BYSTANDER EFFECT. WHAT IS IT?!
"It's quite common for us to hear about emergency situations where a victim is involved, and despite numerous witnesses, no one takes action.
This apathy is due to a psycho-social phenomenon named the 'bystander effect', 'spectator effect', or simply 'witness effect'. It suggests that the natural helpful behavior of humans is inhibited when other people are present.
Therefore, in emergency situations, a lone witness will more readily intervene than if there are other people around: the likelihood of someone offering help is inversely proportional to the number of witnesses present.
Paradoxically, even though helping has always been socially valued behavior, the presence of onlookers exerts such pressure that the tendency to help is suppressed. This can be attributed to the process of diffused responsibility, as well as social influence and the apprehension of judgment."
Source: "Why did no one prevent this assault? Understanding the bystander effect" - Website: www.psychologist.net
So, the more of us there are witnessing an assault, the less likely we are to act and assist the person being attacked. This is due to the 'logical' processes and mechanisms of our brain. Experienced by everyone. Yet utterly illogical when we become aware of it.
It's interesting to know.
Let's not remain passive anymore. Let's not be scared. Let's not be ashamed.
Let's dare.
Let's help each other. For the benefit of everyone.
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WHAT TO DO ?
THE BYSTANDER EFFECT (continued): WE TAKE ACTION.
Research has proven (see the experiments of John Darley and Bibb Latane in 1968) that the greater the number of people present, the less likely any one of them is to act.
—> Why?
1/ Social influence: Witnesses to an emergency situation often look to others to gauge whether intervention is necessary. When everyone does this, the collective conclusion is that no action is needed due to the overall inaction.
2/ The diffusion of responsibility: Each witness assumes someone else will step up, perhaps someone more qualified. Their sense of responsibility diminishes with every additional bystander present.
Sources: http://www.axolot.info/?p=156: "The Spectator Syndrome."
—> Also read on: www.slate.fr@slatefrance: "Why don't witnesses to aggression always intervene?"
—> Article on www.kmkc3.com@kmkc3: "The bystander effect or spectator effect."
Now that we're aware of this, let's act. Together.
BUT KEEP IN MIND IN AN EMERGENCY:
If you ever need help in a crowd: Don't just call out for help in general:
Pick someone, look them directly in the eyes, and ask for their help specifically and urgently.
In doing so, you prevent the diffusion of responsibility, counteracting one of the most insidious psychological effects…
As a witness to aggression or an accident, remember this unexpected psychological mechanism: act without waiting for anyone else's approval. If necessary, call for assistance from those around you to also ensure your safety.
And it's worth noting that failing to assist someone in danger is legally and morally everyone's responsibility.
Let's support each other.
Protect one another.
Act.
Together.
Now.
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WHAT TO SAY ?
Regardless of how difficult the words are to hear. Regardless of what they question. Regardless of what they imply. Saying them was even more challenging. They represent actions, traumas, a long journey to reach you.
When someone confides in us, at that very moment, let's keep in mind:
What matters, what should matter above all else: is the Human being.
Not appearances. Not rumors. Not what we make up in our heads, our perceived social status, our image, our ego, etc.
All these things pollute us, dehumanize us.
They can hurt even more than the blows, the words, the denounced acts.
In the end, we are all in the same boat. And we will get through it. Together.
"I see you. I hear you. I believe you. It's not your fault. He had no right. It's the law. I trust you. And we can help you."
To repeat, to internalize, to never forget.
It doesn't just happen to others. At home, on the street, at the office. Everywhere.
Let's be present. Let's be there for each other. At any time. Because there is never a good time.
The difference will be enormous.
Women, men, or non-binary people. Listen to them. Listen to us.
Believe in us. Protect us. Don't look away anymore.
Later will be too late.
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AUTHORITIES CONTACT
Because to act quickly, one must have the right information at the right time.
Below you will find a list of useful numbers to contact based on the situations encountered, whether as victims or witnesses.
We have integrated these directly into our app to save time and act quickly and efficiently.
—> 3919 - Women Violence Info:
Aimed at women victims of violence, as well as their families and concerned professionals.
This is a national and anonymous listening number.
—> 3117: Number provided by the Transilien/SNCF network if you witness a situation that poses a risk to your safety or that of other travelers.
—> 15: Allows you to contact the SAMU, the emergency medical service (in case of vital distress: fainting, coma, bleeding, etc.)
—> 17: Allows you to contact the Police (in case of a dangerous situation - as a victim or witness: violence, assaults, threats, etc.)
—> 18: Allows you to contact the Firefighters (in situations of peril or accident: fire, road accident, etc.)
—> 112: European emergency number. It is valid throughout the E.E.C. The specificity of this number is its non-specificity: it concerns all emergencies (medical, fire, police, etc.)
—> 114: Emergency number for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing. Any deaf or hard-of-hearing person, victim or witness of an emergency situation requiring the intervention of rescue services can communicate with 114 via SMS.
—> 119 - Hello Abused Childhood: For all children, and witnesses of violence on minors, in immediate danger or not, to help detect these situations, to transmit all types of worrying information to competent services, to ensure and facilitate the protection of endangered minors.
—> 0800059595 - Rapes Women Information: Free and anonymous listening line for victims of rape and sexual assault.
Find more details on these numbers and services on the @gouvernementfr website:
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LAWS AND SANCTIONS 1
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.
An overcrowded subway? A wandering hand? A groper?
From the very first Deliberate Physical Contact: It is SEXUAL ASSAULT.
We often have doubts, and we rarely dare to (re)act. Truly knowing what's happening and remembering that there are laws punishing such behavior is beneficial for Everyone: for the victim who, confidently, can distinctly remind the aggressor of the law. And for the aggressor, who obviously didn't have this information in mind before acting.
So for EVERYONE, know that:
—> Sexual assault is defined as: "Any sexual offense committed with violence, constraint, threat, or surprise". (Article 222-22 of the penal code).
—> Sexual assault is punishable by a FINE of 75,000€ and 5 YEARS IN PRISON. (Article 222-27 of the penal code)
Several aggravating circumstances to keep in mind:
If the victim is a minor, if there are multiple perpetrators, if the victim is particularly vulnerable due to their condition: the penalty increases to 7 YEARS IN PRISON. (Article 222-28 of the same code)
So next time: When in doubt, there's no doubt. Take courage, practice if needed, and take action!
For ALL of us. "For the person groping me, for your information, it's a 75,000€ fine and 5 years in prison. It's written in the penal code. Thank you!"
"What might happen if I speak up - In public - in a crowded subway?!"
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In the worst-case scenario: Passengers around you will get the information and will be more sensitive to it in the future. They might even have the courage to spread it whenever they encounter such a situation. They can also share it with their loved ones, to help them protect themselves and (re)act.
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In any case: The aggressor will immediately stop and will remember this information. So there won't be a next time.
We have nothing to lose. Everything to gain.
We are not afraid. Let's act.
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LAWS AND SANCTIONS 2
This section complements the previous title "TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN" (The one mentioned above).
To be as prepared as possible to face any type of aggression, it is crucial, if not paramount, to be well-informed about what is right or wrong, good or bad, legal or not.
For that, beyond ethical, emotional, social considerations, etc., there is the law.
It's simple, it's written. It's settled. It's just so.
Because when in doubt: there's no doubt, we invite you to take the time to visit the dedicated section on the government website: www.service-public.fr/particuliers/vosdroits/ : @gouvernementfr (on Instagram). The explanations are clear and easy to remember.
The goal is to have them in mind when the events occur and to immediately state them aloud, aiming to destabilize the aggressor. No one expects to be informed about the penalties they're risking for their actions.
There are laws. It's important to remind people.
Whether the legal system works correctly, swiftly, fairly or not. There are laws.
Here are the categories we invite you to consult - see the precise definitions:
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Sexist or sexual insult (up to 750€ fine)
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Public insult (up to 12,000€ fine)
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Moral harassment (at work) (up to 2 years in prison and a 30,000€ fine)
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Sexual harassment (up to 3 years in prison and 45,000€ fine depending on the case)
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Discrimination (at work) (up to 3 years in prison and 45,000€ fine depending on the case)
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Online harassment (up to 3 years in prison and 45,000€ fine depending on the case)
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Sexual assault and violence (up to 7 years in prison and 100,000€ fine depending on the case)
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Rape (up to 20 years in prison depending on the case)
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Domestic violence - physical and/or psychological (up to 30 years in prison in cases of repeated violence, in the case of murder or attempted murder: life imprisonment)
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Assault and injuries (from 3 years in prison and a 45,000€ fine in case of incapacity to work > 8 days for the victim, up to 15 years in prison for involuntary manslaughter)
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Murder (30 years in prison)
It's essential to be informed to know/be able to protect oneself. Knowledge provides the confidence that allows us to act. It doesn't do everything.
But it helps. A lot.
LIVE BETTER, WORK ON YOUR WELL-BEING, BUSINESS AND ADVANCE, TOGETHER:
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VERBAL ATTACKS
FACING VERBAL ATTACKS TOGETHER:
At the office, on the street, at home. Everywhere. An inappropriate comment? Whether sexist or not. A verbal attack. About your appearance. Your clothes. Your words. A project. A fact. About anything. By a man or a woman.
You feel the onset of that notorious freezing effect (see dedicated post) slowly rising within you. A feeling of shame, discomfort, warmth, stress gradually takes over. This bodily reaction is normal. We've seen it. It's dictated by our brain.
On the other hand, the attack, the received comment, isn't normal. Today, we will learn to face it, tame it, and play with it.
Together.
—> First point:
These remarks can come from a man, but also from a woman, or even a non-binary person.
In this case, the comment/effect can be all the more hurtful.
Once the bomb has been dropped, you might feel insistent stares if others have heard it. They await your reaction. Worse, others might naively chuckle. Because it reassures them to follow a crowd. But deep down, they patiently wait for something to happen. To see what you will do.
This is the moment when you have all the cards to play. So you never have to endure again. And in turn, reverse the trend. Here's a proposed reaction, adjust and adopt it according to what suits you:
1/ Position yourself comfortably if seated. If standing, remain still. Don't take another step.
2| Look the attacker straight in the eyes.
3/ Breathe calmly (there are countless breathing techniques to reduce stress: check out @petitbambou_fr (on Instagram). Focus on your breath. Keep a neutral expression on your face and eyes. Just be present and keep looking.
3bis/ A slight smile can help maintain this position and increase the discomfort of the other person.
4/ Let your mind be clear.
You can even start thinking about something else. Your next vacation. Your next outing. Whatever makes you happy.
5/ Remain like this for as long as you wish. Firmly rooted and increasingly relaxed. Breathe. Without breaking the gaze. Without anger. Keep your face relaxed. Be calm. Almost kind in your gaze. In complete silence.
6/ Then, when you're ready, when you feel it's right for you, go back to what you were doing. As if the comment never mattered to anyone. Especially, don't be the first to bring up this incident again.
Let it be.
7| At home, in peace: Congratulate yourself.
Relive the scene. Share it with loved ones. You can be proud. You've taken a big step. And it's just the first on a long journey.
Well done.
With practice, you'll gain confidence and even start enjoying facing such situations. Be prepared. Play with it. Take the upper hand.
And remember: The person opposite is totally unprepared for what you're doing. Their worst fear at this moment: your silence. Your non-reaction. Your sheer presence. And that kind smile. You're above it. You know it.
As a witness, adopt the same attitude towards the attacker. Don't laugh. Assume the same stance.
The effect will be magnified. Let's support each other.
Together.
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SEXIST REMARKS
"Come on, it was just a joke."
"Relax."
"You have no sense of humor."
"Don't be hysterical, it's fine!"
"If we can't even speak anymore..."
"With all this feminist stuff, it's ridiculous. We can't say or do anything."
"I'd like a coffee..."
"Do you plan to have kids soon? Just to be sure you'll be present for the next committee."
"We're meeting the client tomorrow, might be good to wear the suit."
"It's just a joke, don't take it seriously!"
"You seem tense. Are you on your period or what?"
"She really needs some action."
"Oh, just let it go, must be the hormones."
"Is it tough working with a pregnant colleague?"
"No, I'm not like that, I'm just saying..."
"Oh, she's blushing! I loooove it."
Sound familiar? To everyone?
Can we see the problem here?
—> When it happens:
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Take a deep breath
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Say nothing
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Lift your head
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Look straight into their eyes
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And don't move. Just wait.
You are untouchable. It's up to you to decide how you'll turn the situation around. Make them uncomfortable. Play with the shock factor. Break the usual patterns.
It's our turn to act now.
Women and non-binary individuals: Lift your heads.
Men and non-binary individuals: Stand with us. Speak up, don't just laugh naively to "fit in." Don't keep telling us it was "just a joke, not meant to be mean." Such situations are not normal and they hurt and deeply affect us.
Be there for us.
- COME BACK
WANT TO GRADUALLY IMPROVE YOUR WIT?
It's a true art. One to be honed.
Day after day.
We recommend reading the small but nevertheless excellent guide dedicated to this subject, titled "THE ART OF WIT" written by Séverine DENIS.
Within its pages, through lessons enriched with concrete examples, you'll find small exercises to complete at the end of each chapter.
Topics range from self-confidence, studying and working on one's own emotions and reactions, our listening skills, activating our imagination, the power of exchanges, the strength of the word "yes", and lastly, our capacity and willingness to "dare".
For further refinement in this practice, consider watching improvisation matches. And always remember, while talent plays a part, consistent training and practice are paramount.
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RESILIENCE
WHAT IS RESILIENCE?
We're tempted to simply direct you to the interview with @adelehaenel (on Instagram) conducted by Edwy Plenel for @mediapart (investigation led by @marineturchi -on Instagram-) - broadcasted on 04/11/19.
Everything is said. It's all there.
Resilience is a psychological phenomenon where an individual affected by trauma acknowledges the traumatic event in a way that they don't continue living in misery but rebuild in a socially acceptable manner.
Source: @wikipedia (the most accurate definition in our opinion)
Trauma can take all possible forms. In contexts of aggression, verbal, physical, sexual, or domestic violence, the success of this approach often lies in finding the inner strength to speak out and, more importantly, the fortunate circumstance of being heard, listened to, understood, and supported.
The support and understanding of one's close circle are as crucial as the victim's courage. It's the combination of the two that leads to achieving a state of resilience and the ability to rebuild and move forward. Despite the challenges and traumas experienced.
To learn more about Resilience, we invite you to listen to the podcast dedicated to this topic produced by @emotionspodcast (on Instagram): "Resilience: how to give meaning to life after trauma?".
And to watch this interview with @adelehaenel on @mediapart if you haven't already.
Kudos.
The message is powerful, and the emphasis on the power of the collective, human kindness, and more broadly, the concept of Humanism resonates deeply with us <3. Thank you.
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IMPOSTOR SYNDROME
WHAT IS IMPOSTOR SYNDROME?
A study conducted in 1978 by Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes, researchers at Georgia State University, described the impostor syndrome as never attributing one's own success to their own intelligence. They described it as a kind of pathological doubt that primarily involves denying the ownership of any personal achievement.
On closer examination, it turns out that impostor syndrome doesn't just affect women, as we often read and hear, but affects the entire population.
It's a fear that each of us harbors: the fear of being rejected/not being accepted by our community. It's about social belonging, directly linked to being human. It's a survival mechanism deeply ingrained within us.
Anyone new to a group will experience this syndrome (to be precise, these studies refer to it as a "phenomenon" because it's temporary). It will fade more quickly for some than for others.
Women, often being in the minority in companies, will take longer to find their place and establish their legitimacy against the social stereotypes they face.
—>How it manifests:
Anxiety, low self-esteem, guilt about one's own success, self-deprecation, fear of deceiving those around you, fear that more will be demanded, that expectations will rise, fear of being found out.
—>How we cope without being prepared:
Avoidance, inaction, or even a self-sabotage strategy: for example, how many women wait to meet at least 80% of the requirements of a job posting before feeling legitimate to apply, while men meeting barely half of them dare to go without a problem?
—>What to do:
Every compliment received should be carefully noted and revisited whenever that impostor feeling resurfaces. It's vital to remember your successes and achievements when in doubt. It's also important to discuss it with others to realize how universal this experience is.
We all need to become aware of it and work on it over time. Because it will reappear at every new stage of our lives: new job, moving, joining a new social group, a new community, etc.
Keep in mind:
1/ Impostor syndrome is a normal and necessary phase of our learning mechanism: it's a step towards success. In reality, it's a significant source of learning for those who know how to analyze and use it correctly.
2| It's essential to remember and remind our children that we all have the right to doubt, the right to have these feelings of imposture. We are all fallible and imperfect.
3/ Finally: the feeling of imposture is a sign of intelligence and humility. "Rare are truly competent or intelligent people who never doubt themselves." - Kevin Chassangre, author of the book "Stop Undervaluing Yourself! Freeing Yourself from the Impostor Syndrome."
In conclusion: real impostors don't ask themselves all these questions ;)
We once again invite you to listen to the excellent episode on the @emotionspodcast (on Instagram) by @louiemedia (on Instagram) dedicated to this topic: Impostor Syndrome: Why does it haunt us?
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MENTAL LOAD
WHAT IS MENTAL LOAD?
You come home, and there's that bill in the mailbox. You put down your keys and stuff in the hallway (the light bulb has been broken for 2 days; you need to replace it), head to your bedroom to change into something comfortable, and there's that pile of laundry that's been sitting there for days. As you finally muster up the will to handle it, you remember a text you absolutely need to send to confirm an appointment. Placing down your phone, there's that paper on the dresser that you need to take care of, so you place it next to your computer... which is on the table... that hasn't been cleared. You place everything in the sink, but it's already full, so you open the dishwasher that hasn't been run... you turn it on... and darn, there are no dishwasher tabs left. You'll have to add it to the grocery list. There's also this, this, and that missing. Oh, you should check if there's any toothpaste left. You open the bathroom cabinet and see all these unused products and medications. They need sorting, but not now. You're exhausted, but it needs doing. You decide to rest before picking up the kids, but the sorting isn't finished, and all the clothes are on your bed. You start to tidy up. Your mind keeps racing; it's just the beginning. You REALLY need to handle that document. And that bill. Did you remind the babysitter about... and did they remember to book for the holidays? What do we have planned this weekend again...? You still have 3 points to check for that presentation... You absolutely have to submit that document tomorrow, otherwise you'll miss the deadline, and you've worked so hard on it, and DARN YOU FORGOT TO PICK UP... nevermind, you can't do everything. Ah, they're home now. "What's for dinner?!" Really?!? I don’t know. Can you handle it? Yes, but "YOU had a long day and you're exhausted?!" Did you remember to pick up...? "I didn't remind you, so you assumed..."
"Okay, forget it, I'll handle it."
Mental load can take many forms and intensities. It remains burdensome and exhausting for everyone. On every level.
It is defined as having to think about everything. All the time.
Statistically, it's mainly borne by women.
This slowly pushes them towards a state of constant mental and physical exhaustion, which impacts them and, over time, their relationship and surroundings.
In reality, the mental load doesn't have a gender. None of us are predisposed to handle a specific subject or constantly remember everything. It's an exercise. Necessary for the well-being of everyone and pleasant for no one.
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EMOTIONAL DEPRIVATION
Humans need other humans to function.
It seems obvious. However, we don't take enough time to give it a precious place in our daily lives. To feel better/good: We think about our diet, exercise, and working on ourselves. But what about our relationship with others?
It's in our genes. In our being. Within us. No matter what we say, we can't do without others.
—> Our biggest fear?
Rejection by others. Being sidelined. The absence of conviviality. Abandonment. Exclusion.
It's called social death.
We can suffer deeply from this emotional deprivation (psychological disorders, loss of meaning, etc.), which can even lead to death.
—> What to do?
It's simple: 2 to 3 human contacts per day (being hugged, for example) are as powerful, important, and effective as any treatments we might undergo.
In an increasingly individualistic society, yet still constantly seeking well-being, meaning, and happiness: Isn't it time to lift our heads and open up to others?
To support each other. To help each other. To move forward.
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OUR THOUGHTS
Our thoughts are just thoughts. Until we decide they become our reality.
Realize that your polluting thoughts are just thoughts and not your reality. Observe them and let them pass. Peacefully. Like clouds.
In parallel, keep in mind the following process, derived from holistic thinking:
Thought generates energy which generates matter.
This means that what you consciously decide will eventually come to fruition.
With a good perspective and self-reflection: everything is ultimately a matter of awareness and choice.
You are the only masters on board.
Safe travels to all.
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TO START
Never let anyone hold back your ambition. Never let the fear of others infect you. That fear belongs to them.
Do you have an idea that you hold dear? That consumes you? You have this fire deep inside you, you know it's right, it's necessary, this is it and it's now: Go for it.
At worst, you will have learned.
Whatever happens, you will have gained everything.
Let's step out of our comfort zone. Let's undertake.
This is how, little by little, we push away our fears and break our mental barriers. By facing them & By moving forward. Always further. Our only limits are those we impose on ourselves.
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THE PASSION
"Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion." - Hegel
And we have that passion. It burns within us. A little more every day. Thanks to these injustices. Thanks to these reflections. Thanks to these remarks. Thanks to these actions. Thanks to this solidarity that is born, little by little, in us, everywhere around us.
This is just the beginning.
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LA FEAR
Never forget that.
Forge ahead.
Dare.
Don't ask for permission.
Don't seek too many opinions.
Don't let others' fears affect you. They belong to them.
Listen deep within you.
Hear what resonates.
Trust yourself.
Take the leap.
You have nothing to lose. But so much to learn.
Live. Enjoy. Experiment.
Fall. Get up. Learn. Move forward & •
"WHERE THERE IS FEAR, THERE IS POWER": Quote from the book "Witch's Soul" by @odilechabrillac (on Instagram)
—> Read and reread.
It was one of the triggering elements that inspired the creation of THE SORORITY @jointhesorority (on Instagram).
The sequel, "Emerging from the Woods, Manifesto of a Modern-Day Witch", is now available online and in bookstores.
Also, check out the incredible account @balancetapeur by @angelo_foley (on Instagram) to continue on this path.
—> Get his latest book "The 21 Fears that Prevent Loving" to have a solid base for reflection, to gradually identify these fears, grasp them, and face them in the best way.
Happy reading to all.
And use that fear. Don't run from it. Tame it. It's valuable.
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COMMITMENT
If you're not with us, you're against us.
Not taking a stance is taking a stance.
Not talking about it.
Avoiding the subject.
Not participating.
Making excuses.
Laughing it off.
Downplaying it.
That's contributing. Silently.
We all have our daily lives and other things to do.
Fortunately, it only takes a few seconds.
When something unusual happens in front of us, when deep down we feel the discomfort arising from a situation:
We stop everything.
We put our own fears and discomfort aside.
The person being attacked, insulted, mocked in front of us is in a state of shock.
They are unable to defend themselves.
At that moment, we have the opportunity to help and protect a fellow human being.
There's nothing more powerful in the world.
If we don't do it at our level,
Who will?
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ACTION
"This vision strengthens the notion of transgenerational transmission, where a form is passed on through repetition, and helps us understand the waves of liberation society experiences:
When a group dares and does things differently, the entire collective field receives this information and can also change." Extracted from the book "The Power of the Feminine" by @camille.sfez.
We are the change we aspire to.
Everyone at their own level. Even if the task seems immense for each one of us.
Even if we feel overwhelmed, helpless, and devoid of any possibility of having an impact at our individual level: It's up to us to embody it.
Day after day.
On all the subjects that are dear to us.
The hardest part is taking action. Disturbing the status quo. Daring to say no.
When we've always let things slide.
A neutral stance in the face of injustice is harmful to all.
The wise words of @s_assbague (on Instagram) expressed yesterday during a conference organized by @laurenbastide (on Instagram) still resonate deeply within us: "Everyone is an activist. Those who refuse to be are then advocating for the established order."
Let's embrace this activism. It's not a dirty word.
It's a start. Toward a future.
We haven't been accustomed or educated to act. To react. To speak up.
We think it might harm us.
Create tensions. Break relationships.
But what impact do we have then, by choosing to remain in this posture?
We all aspire to this famous "world of tomorrow."
But if we aren't the primary actors in our daily lives,
Who will be?
This section will likely disturb some. It's proof that it's not taken for granted.
That it's not easy for anyone.
Sending strength to all. Let's take our time. But let's dare.
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EMPATHY
"Even Adam Smith, the founder of liberalism, spoke of empathy as the fundamental cement for creating society. Empathy is a bridge thrown between us and others, between here and there, between now and tomorrow. We need it to remake a common destiny, to grow in humanity, both collectively and individually."
@sandrineroudaut (on Instagram) in her book "UTOPIA USER GUIDE", which we recommend you read.
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ACCEPTANCE
For several months now, as we have been communicating on social media, we have had to confront and bear witness to various debates.
Particularly concerning the terms used. The movements.
What should or shouldn't be said. Done or not done.
Thought or not thought.
Everyone has their personal opinion. Their viewpoint. Their values. Their definitions.
Today, we just want to recall one word.
Our foundation. Our inspiration.
Increasingly used everywhere, but often forgotten amid these exchanges.
Sorority.
Solidarity among women and more broadly, adelphity: solidarity among all genders.
Recalling this term means realizing that we all act together towards a common goal.
It's ACCEPTING that each of us has our ways of doing, thinking, speaking, acting, or not acting.
In our own way. Without being judged.
It's understanding that this collective effort is what creates momentum.
Thanks to our differences and complementarities.
There are no right or wrong ways of doing or not doing.
Some may be better than others.
Being too much or not enough.
Too radical or not radical enough.
Too violent or not violent enough.
Actions that help or harm the cause. Right or wrong terms used.
No.
There's just all of us.
Unified.
Facing the same situations.
Standing together.
For a common goal.
For our safety. For our well-being. For our right to flourish.
To accomplish.
In freedom.
In equality.
Let's step back.
Realize that by criticizing each other on these issues, these definitions, by doubting our actions, words, by focusing on details... we sometimes (often) forget the real goal of all this.
Recognize that this diversity is our strength, and without the actions of some, others wouldn't dare. Without the support and relay of others, some would stop. We're running a marathon. Together.
We each run at our own pace. In our own way. As we see fit. The important thing: is to move forward.
Our energy and time are precious.
Let's take care of them.
Let's take care of ourselves.
Let's save ourselves to make progress. Together.
Accept our differences.
Honor our unity.
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GENEROSITY
Generosity nourishes our soul and those we help.
OUR MANTRA: Kindness brings kindness.
TOGETHER. EVERYWHERE. NOW.
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KINDNESS
KINDNESS BRINGS KINDNESS.
On the street, on transport, in the office, at home. Everywhere.
We have been working on this project for three years. Until now, it has been a source of meetings, mutual aid, sharing but also and above all incredible acts of kindness.
This Kindness is, and will remain, our driving force. Daily. Within this project. But also in our lives. Each day. Forever.
Don't expect anything. Do things for you. Because you want it. Because it makes you feel good. Because you want it.
Pay attention to the signs. Become light.
Take risks. Don't ask yourself unnecessary questions. Let go.
Most importantly, your common thread: Do it with Kindness. In all your decisions. Place people at the heart of your actions.
You will experience incredible things. Don't wait for them. They will present themselves to you little by little. Stay open and attentive to the signs.
Open your eyes.
Have a nice day and a nice journey on this path
Together. Everywhere. All the time.
#jointhesorority
EVERYTHING THAT IS MADE POSSIBLE THANKS TO YOU
